I am The Boss...

Some kids are just built to butt heads with their parents. Call it stubborn or strong-willed or whatever you like. If you're living with one of these guys, you know that straightforward methods of getting them to follow directions or behave often don't work. They want to be in charge. But, of course, so do you!

Instead of resorting to the usual verbal combat (aka yelling or pleading), try my so-called sneaky or judo parenting strategies instead.

Being sneaky doesn't have to mean being underhanded or manipulative with your children. Rather, "'sneaky parenting' is actually 'smart parenting,'" explains parenting educator Sharon Silver of Proactive Parenting, in Tucson, AZ, and author of "Stop Reacting and Start Responding". "It means approaching your kids sideways instead of straight on, and using calmness, respect, and creativity to get what you want accomplished."

Rachel Rudman, a mom of two and a pediatric occupational therapist in Cedarhurst, NY, supports this approach. "In my private practice, I constantly recommend what could be referred to as 'sneaky parenting' strategies, and they work for me at home, too," she says.

Her take: It's simply human nature for everyone -- children, too -- to want to be included in decisions about their daily habits. "With many kids who need just a little more control, asking their opinion sometimes and giving them choices often are easy answers to getting them to do what 'we' want," she notes.

Try the following tricks and your child will probably even think it was all her idea!

Chore wars

The power struggle: Your toddler spends half the day pulling toys off the shelf and out of the box, then flits off to another activity when it's time to clean up.

Sneaky strategies

Beat the clock. For the younger set, the best bet is almost always to turn picking up toys into a beat-the-timer game, suggests Malibu, CA, psychotherapist Susan Stiffelman, author of "Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected".

Stubborn kids are often intrigued by games and challenges, so see how many toys your child can put away in, say, five minutes. You can push the idea further by keeping a chart and encouraging your child to "beat his best effort," perhaps rewarding him with a sticker or privilege when he does.

Play the "helper" card. Ask him, "Would you like to be my special helper today? You are so good at setting the dinner table, gathering laundry, cleaning the mirror..." so your child feels like pitching in is actually a privilege.

Think positive. Use encouraging, supportive words, rather than threats, to help take the "fight" out of obstinate kids, emphasizes Stiffelman. Instead of saying "We can't go to the park until your toys are put away!" try "As soon as your toys are put away, we get to go to the park!"

If your child replies "But I really wanna go play with Brandon," instead of nagging him about what he has to do to earn that privilege, smile brightly and say "Why yes, you certainly can do that...as soon as all your toys are picked up."